Nightmare + Car Accident

I was in a car with what I assume were friends. Though I don’t remember who they were or there faces. I was in the back sit. We were on the highway, we were all laughing and having fun. I was holding my left arm close to my body with my right hand. I’m not sure why. I went to look down at my left arm, with a puzzling expression on my face. As I did I remember time slowing down, noise


was slowly muted and my vision hazing. In my peripheral I saw a body fly into the back seat next to me. I heard the beginning of a scream and screeching brakes. Everything whited out after that.

I woke up and stopped the scream that was starting to creep out of my throat. I noticed slowly that my left arm was numb, but so my hand all the way up to my shoulder bone around my back. I started to panic as I rolled my body off of it. Quickly grabbing at some other part of my body with my right hand, just to feel and recognize touch. I quickly learned I was not numb all other. I touched my numb arm it tingled all over. I waited slowly for my arm to wake up. Moving my foot to find Toms for comfort, as I could only hear his breathing.

It’s 6:32AM, I don’t have to be up till 8AM. I could go back to sleep, but I’m scared I’ll wake up in the wreckage.

My car after the accident

In February of this year, I had my very first car accident right before my 25th birthday. It wasn't serious, nor was anyone hurt. But I still have nightmares and panic attacks, thankfully they are fewer then what they were. If you've never had a accident I can tell you what it's like. First, time slows down and you have a split second to think of what to do. I slammed my brakes, BUT after time to think about it I could have swerved to the side into the turning lane and maybe I would of made it.. or maybe I would of clipped the corner of her car and caused more damage. You see when you have a accident it plays over and over. All the things you could of done differently, all the scenario's that could of happened. Better or worse.

Once you get over the haze of the impact, you feel so out of it. Thoughts of "what just happened?" and "did that really just happen?" come to mind. You head is fuzzy, and you wonder how your still awake. Only because in the movies and shows, anyone in a accident is unconscious, fainted, injured. You start to wish you were unconscious so you don't have to face what you just caused.

Once you get a car again and start driving, you have second long flash backs. Since my accident took place coming to a red light. Anything to do with slowing down, or braking triggered me for a couple weeks. I knew I was to blame for the accident, so I was always afraid of any slip ups I may make. My heart would race for a moment as I remembered the horrible noise my brakes made as I slammed down my foot. That sound you should only hear in the movies. Or if I saw any brake lights from other cars, like a bull, the color red was my trigger for a while.

But the worst part was getting over my driving anxiety with other people, with people I knew and trusted. While I was in the passenger sit I would hold down screams for them to stop. Even though we were a safe distance from any car. I started sitting on my hands so my friends and family won't see my nervous gestures of grabbing the door or my seat belt. As a driver, seeing my passenger do that makes me nervous.

And then months and months go by and you will get better. You'll drive again, you'll drive past your accident site over and over. And little by little you'll start to feel better, because to get into a accident is a part of life. I'm not saying I hope you total your car like I did, but what I'm saying is. Your accident is going to feel like a big deal for a while, and that's okay. Let it be a big deal, be sad, guilty, sorry, remorseful. But over time let yourself get better, let the sunshine in. Let yourself make this mistake so that you can learn from it.

Thank You for Listening.